


For the Love of Appletinis

by FluffyGlitterPantsDragon



Series: The Joys of Public Service [8]
Category: Lucifer (TV), Scrubs (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, assumed family relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 13:42:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19230277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyGlitterPantsDragon/pseuds/FluffyGlitterPantsDragon
Summary: Eve twists her ankle and needs medical attention. She and JD kinda dig each other.Eve is a giant fluffball and I love her.





	For the Love of Appletinis

**Author's Note:**

> The fact that both Eve and JD love appletinis only further convinces me these shows exist together in the same world. First Espinozas, then pudding and now appletinis.

Dr. Linda Martin squatted heavily, looking over Eve’s ankle.

Eve didn’t notice her difficulty or ignored it. Linda never asked her _how many_ kids Eve gave birth to, but she had an irrational desire not to look like a complete wuss with her _first_ pregnancy in front of the first woman who bore at the minimum, Cain and Abel and probably many more.

The doctor hadn’t quite worked out how Eve could be both the first woman and the second partner to Adam. She decided she didn’t need to know just yet. After Lucifer’s grand reveal, she looked up things on the internet that she never expected to _need_ to. Maze was self-proclaimed Lilim. Making Lilith her mother. Making Lilith _real_.

She shook her head and focused on her ‘patient.’

Eve had come to her, limping badly and hopping along on one leg, at her office. The injured woman, much like everyone else related to the supernatural, ignored Linda’s first protests that she wasn’t ‘that kind of doctor.’

Again.

Dr. Martin sat up after gently probing the inflamed tissue with light fingers and much squirming from Eve. “Well, I can’t tell if it’s broken or not. If it’s just badly sprained, you can wrap it and stay off it for a bit and see if you get better, but you really should go to the ER. You probably need crutches if it’s so bad you can’t walk on it.”

“Go to the what?”

“You said you talked to tons of people who got to heaven, right? Some of them must have died in hospitals?”

Eve looked stricken, jerking her leg out of Linda’s hands. “I don’t want to die in a hospital!”

“No, I’m sorry. I meant that people go to hospitals and doctors to get fixed up - you wouldn’t have met them in Heaven, or not right away anyway.”

“Oh, right. Uhm. Maybe? I mostly just paid attention to the fun stuff. When I got here, Lucifer and I got to do a lot of the things I heard about up in heaven - but he’s not as much fun as he used to be. It’s kind of a shame because there’s so much more now to experience that I want to do with him.”

“Like what?”

“Like...like _Dance Dance Revolution_ , Maze took me to an arcade and totally whipped my ass, but then we kept playing and I got better, and I really want to do it with Lucifer too, but he’s always busy!”

Linda nodded dutifully, “but you had fun with Maze, right? Isn’t that what’s important? That's what you wanted to do down here?”

“But it would be so much fun with Lucifer too! Oh! Do you think he might feel bad for me and come visit me if it turns out that I’m really badly hurt?”

Linda tried very hard to picture Lucifer on the metal dance pad at an arcade and it just wasn’t coming to her. Not that she wasn’t sure he’d be great at it, but flailing about in a suit? “Okay, I’m actually glad you’re here, because we really need to talk about your burning obsession with getting Lucifer to be more involved with you.”

“Why? He used to date tons of people all the time.”

“No, he used to have sex with tons of people all the time. He’s _dating_ Dan and Chloe. Somewhat more than dating at this point, actually. Those two never struck me as open relationship types. I don’t know Dan as well as I know Chloe, but it seems pretty clear they aren’t interested in sharing right now.”

“I don’t see why I can’t do it too! I just have to find a way to remind him of all the amazing sex we used to have back in the Garden.”

Linda had a flash thought of ‘ _humans’._ Eve was probably as susceptible to Lucifer’s charm as _almost_ everyone else, but having only Adam for God knows how long probably made her fixate on Lucifer like a cat with a laser toy. “...you know, let's put a pin in that. Luckily, I happen to know of a hospital with experience of the supernatural. I even had a bunch of my tests done there to make _sure_ the baby is going to come out looking normal.” The ultrasound tech hadn’t seen any additional ‘protrusions’ but it didn’t mean they might not turn up later as the baby developed." _Please don’t be born with wings, baby. Or at least not with them out._ _Or a yolk sac._

“Oh. That sounds important, I guess?”

“Actually, you woke up in your old body, right? And there’s no telling what might turn up because of that.” _Really though, you're going to chatter about Heaven and Eden and Lucifer and everything else and we might as well have people who will take you seriously, take care of your health._

Her focus drifted, looking past Linda, “do you think Lucifer would drive me there?”

“You know what? _I’ll_ drive you there. I’d like to see Carla and commiserate a little bit anyway.” _And lord over her the fact that I’m feeling oddly really great despite everything that should be happening with pregnancies._ “I’ll clear my schedule and we can make a day of it. If we’re really lucky, you’ll make some new friends too.” _Ones who might even enjoy your fluffy chatterbox gushing personality._

She immediately felt a little bad for the thought, but she'd make it up to Eve when she was done being hormonal and pregnant.

* * *

Behind the admissions counter, Carla didn’t even look pregnant from the chest up, but she was about as far along as Linda, and it became instantly obvious as she followed her belly around the counter to give her a warm hug. “Linda! How are you? How is the baby? Do you have a name yet? Who is your friend? Are you okay, sweetie?”

Linda gently wrapped her arms around Carla. Amenadiel pushed Eve along in the wheelchair, where she bounced lightly. She had been in it for about two seconds before demanding that he roll her at high speed down a hallway.

He refused.

She gestured to her partner-in-pregnancy friend. “Eve, meet Carla Espinoza-”

Eve’s mouth dropped open, “I _knew_ it!”

Carla blinked down at her. “I'm sorry?"

Linda patted her shoulder. “No, Carla and Dan are _cousins_ , not _exes_. Carla is married to a surgeon here at the hospital, and they’re having their first child together. Carla’s actually Espinoza-Turk."

Carla pressed her lips together. “Liiiiiinda. Did you bring me another angel? Should I send the alert code?”

“Ah, no. No. This is _Eve_. Just...Eve. But yes, you should. I don’t suggest leaving her alone with anyone who doesn’t...understand.”

She looked gobsmacked. “Oh no. Okay. Fine.” She put on her nurse face and smiled down at the small woman. “What’s uhm. Wrong?”

The first woman stuck her right foot out from under her dress, where the ankle had been wrapped up by Dr. Linda already. She wiggled her toes then winced right away. “Ouch.”

“Okay, can you tell me what happened?”

“I tripped.”

“Can you be a little more specific?”

“And fell. I was trying to sit on Lucifer’s car, all sexy-like, but he got upset about it, and I fell off, and then I stubbed my toe on a curb and my ankle turned weird and-”

“Okay, we’re going to get you in for some x-rays. I’m assuming this is going to be on Lucifer’s tab?”

Linda tilted her head. “I don’t actually know - I mean, he probably won’t mind covering her - and she doesn’t have a job yet or a last name or…,” she shrugged unhelpfully. “Just assume he’ll take care of it for now.”

Carla sighed. “It’s a good thing I love you guys.”

Eve gasped. “I _knew_ it!”

Amenadiel intervened before Linda actually strangled her. “Eve, not that kind of love. I’m sure Lucifer still loves you too in his own way.” He entirely missed Linda’s frantic waving over Eve’s head as she mouthed, ‘NOooooooo.”

The nurse tucked a clipboard under her arm. “Okay pumpkin, let's get you into a room. I’m going to page JD and he’ll get you x-rays and a treatment plan, alright? We need to find out how bad your leg is.”

“Okay!” Eve gripped the armrests of her wheelchair tightly like she was about to participate in a race. “Mush!”

Amenadiel sighed and followed Carla and ignored Eve’s urging to go faster.

* * *

Linda and Amenadiel wandered away to look for Jordan. Carla opted not to leave Eve alone by herself and had another nurse take her place at admissions for the time being. She got Eve situated in a chair inside a private room and parked the wheelchair outside the door.

Mostly she kept Eve from picking at the jars of cotton swabs and tongue depressors on the counter. Carla at least, was able to take the opportunity to get off her feet. She stretched her legs out in front of her in her dark purple scrubs, rolling her ankles for blood flow. “So, the Garden, huh?”

“Yes! It was soooooo pretty. And the animals used to all be so nice. Have you ever ridden a tiger? It’s amazing. We couldn’t do that anymore after we got kicked out.”

“So...uh, where’s Adam? You had a husband, right?”

“Oh, yeah, no. I mean, yeah but not really. We invented ‘till death do us part,' and thank goodness for that. I mean, he was nice to me and all, but he was busy all the time, hunting and gathering and building things for us. Oh and that was great, of course, but I never really saw him much, you know, after, when we had to fend for ourselves."

“You had a bunch of kids, huh?”

“Oh my gosh, yeah. They were all over the place. It’s a miracle my boobs look as good as they do.” She pressed her breasts together, looking down. “Maybe it _is_ a miracle?”

Carla was saved from further chatting by a light knock on the door. “Hi, Carla! Your page included a ‘Code Pudding?’”

“Hey, Bambi, yeah, we have… well. This is Eve. As in. Eve _Eve._ ” She pointed at the woman seated in the chair next to hers.

JD unhooked his stethoscope from around his neck, smiling lightly. “Hello, Eve Eve.”

“No. I mean. She’s a friend of Lucifer’s. And she’s _Eve_.”

He tilted his head at that. “Like a _friend_ friend? I thought you said she was Eve Eve.”

Carla clenched her fists. “Nooooo. Eve. From the Garden. Of Eden.”

Eve stuck her hand out to shake his. “Hi!”

He automatically shook her hand, which was good because his brain was dragging a few seconds. “Oh! _The_ Eve? Pleasure to meet you. I hear you have a thing for apples.”

She smiled up at him, ducking her head shyly, “actually, I prefer bananas.”

“Me too! I mean. Not bananas _bananas._ I definitely do not prefer _bananas_ over other types of fruit. I’m not much of a mixed-fruit kind of guy, actually. I like single fruits.”

Carla took a step back and watched the disaster unfold.

Eve clasped her hands together, grinning, “You know what I _really_ like? Appletinis.”

JD’s heart skipped a beat. “Hey, me too! I know a place that makes _great_ Appletinis!”

"Oh yeah, Lucifer's bartender is really good at them. So is he actually."

He cocked his head. "Oh, yeah, that might be my fault. I asked for one there and he made them himself. He complained about it, but they were _probably_ better than the ones I get down the block. I don't know why anyone wouldn't like them though."

She giggled delightfully, "so _that's_ why he has the ingredients upstairs? He says he doesn't usually like mixed drinks."

"That and I think his girlfriend likes them now too. It's a nice combination of tart and sweet."

“Oh. I see.” Her face fell a little bit, then she sighed. "Well, I like trying new things, or at least new places. Can we go there, to your bar?"

He held his hands up casually. “Can’t drink on my shift but after that, I’m all yours.”

Carla gathered herself, getting up with effort. She squeezed JD’s shoulder on the way out. “Good luck, Bambi. Call me if you need anything."

JD tried to get down to business, picking up her barely filled-out chat. “So, Eve. Can I call you Eve?”

“Yes. That’s my name, Bambi.”

“Oh, no, only Carla calls me that. My name is John Dorian but you can call me JD.”

“Why? Do you have more names like Luce?”

“‘JD' is faster. Snappier. Definitely cooler. And no. Dr. Cox calls me a bunch of girls names, and Carla calls me Bambi, but they're all just nicknames."

“Oh! Okay.”

They stared at one another for a long second.

At the same time, Eve asked, “...did you sleep with Lucifer?”, JD said, “...so when you say ‘banana’... “

The doctor crossed his arms. “If you’re going to tell me he wears banana hammocks, please don’t. And no.”

“Sorry. I’m still getting used to people. Everyone in my life now either knows Lucifer, or they _know_ Lucifer. Biblically speaking.”

“I have heard stories about that. If it helps, he already had the significant others before he came to the hospital, so in _theory_ , no one here has that kind of history with him.” He shivered.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m still getting used to the Devil being here. I love a good medical case as much as the next guy, but - Oh! Right, the ‘Code Pudding’, hey, just to confirm, you know he’s the _actual_ Devil right?”

Eve rolled her eyes at him. “Hello. Ex-girlfriend here. Also kinda partly or mostly his fault for us getting kicked out. I don’t hold it over his head though. I mean, Adam ate the...banana too.” She smiled up at the ceiling. “That was a really fun night. Then I didn’t see Luce again for, like, _forever,_ then I get back to earth and I find out he’s _taken_. I thought I could flip it around on him since he came into my marriage, but he, and I quote, ‘doesn’t wear the orgy pants anymore’ unquote."

“That...is not an image I think I ever needed in my head. Elliot might want it though. Hey, we should invite her out for appletinis!”

“Okay!" She paused a beat, remembering why she was actually here. "So. What are you gonna do with my foot?”

* * *

Eve, back in her wheelchair and in _another_ room, frowned and untied her dress.

JD waved her off, “Hey, you can wait until I step out, then undress and put on this robe thing and I’ll get you on the x-ray table, okay? Jim the Radiologist is in the back there and will do your scans."

“You can stay. I don’t care. You know, the first lesson we learned back in the Garden was that nudity is nothing to be ashamed of.” She grinned, pulling the straps of her dress off her shoulders.

“It wouldn’t be - uhm. I don’t-”

Elliot-moment-killer-Reid, knocked on the door and pushed it open with a bright smile. “Hi! I heard we have a new pudding alert!” She came and stood, obliviously, next to JD. "Cute dress!"

“Why do you keep saying that?” Eve dropped her hands and folded her arms under her breasts. JD noted that it did wonderful things to her cleavage.

The blonde doctor wore blue scrubs and a white coat with her hair up. She grinned at JD and turned back to the new patient, “well, ever since you-know-who dropped in on us-” She stuck her hands out by her shoulders and flapped them wildly, “we had to come up with a system in case he came back.”

JD groaned. “He’s not _Voldemort_ , Elliot. Eve, this is Dr. Elliot Reid. Elliot - the first woman in all of humanity.”

Elliot's mouth hung open for a full three seconds. “I want copies of those x-rays. And that’s he-who-must-not-be-named, not you-know-who.”

“Wait, who is you-know-who then?”

Eve smirked. “That’s God.”

They both turned to her. “What?”

“Adam and I called God you-know-who when... he-who-must-not-be-named was around. So we could have sex without accidentally, well, you know.”

Elliot licked her lips. “ _You know_ what?”

“What? I’m talking about Lucifer, not Voldemort. That sounds gross."

“No, I mean, yeah, nevermind. Okay, at least she’s seen _Harry Potter._ So how long have you been around Eve? Have you always been here since…?”

“Oh, no. I died way back then and went to Heaven. But I got bored - kinda like Lucifer did, and I wanted to see all my descendants and how much fun everyone seemed to be having. You know, as long as you were in a big city.”

Both JD and Elliot turned to each other. He asked, “does that make you my grandma? Kinda?”

“I mean, sure, I guess I’m kinda _everyone’s_ grandmother, but it’s been so long, I’m sure it doesn’t mean anything anymore.”

He flinched. Elliot gently patted his shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay buddy. It’s more like she’s your cousin, 900 times removed. So, what’s the problem?”

Eve gestured to her leg. “I got hurt and Dr. Linda said I should come here. She and Amenadiel are here too.”

“Aw. Dr. Linda is awesome. I can't believe she's having a kid though, that's got to be some kind of medical miracle. Oh, I guess it is, huh?"

JD not so gently shoved her towards the door, closing it behind him, “Eve, let me know when you’re ready and I’ll come back and we’ll do the x-rays okay? Bye!”

* * *

Eve's eyes got huge as she looked at her own xrays. "Wow. That's me, huh?"

"Yup, all you. No fractures, so you'll be good as new as long as you give yourself time to heal and stay off that foot."

"Does anything look weird? Like, my bones have to be super old."

"Huh. Whatever happened, they look appropriate for your age. Hey, is it true that the Big Guy made you from Adam's rib?"

She shivered. "No, God made me, but it's not like He lacked for materials lying around. I'm sure if you found his body, it'd look pretty normal."

"Can I ask you a weird question?"

"Sure."

"Do you know how you...died?"

She flinched. "Childbirth. I try not to think about it too hard. I don't remember much about it, except that my child lived. I was in Heaven pretty quick after my death, the first person there, actually. It was lonely for a while, but I forgot the pain of death. If I concentrate really hard, I can kinda remember seeing myself over my body. It was creepy."

"Huh. So out-of-body is a real thing? I've always wondered if coma patients can hear us. Well, your bones look great, but I'd like to get you back in for a physical if that's alright. We have a Pudding file for Lucifer and Amenadiel and I'd like to compare you to them, if that's okay."

She grinned. "Are you always so serious?"

"Almost never, actually. I really want to know more about your physiology, and not just in a 'would you go out with me' sense."

"Oh! Uhm. Are you asking me out?"

"I don't know. Are you saying yes?"

She bit her lip. "Maybe?"

"How about, will you let me buy you an appletini later to celebrate our new friendship?"

"Yes!"

"Then let's get you out of here. My shift is done in fifteen anyway."

* * *

JD rolled Eve out the door and down the hallway.

At high speed. Making car engine noises.

JD _might_ have taken the long way back to the front. They got to the desk with Eve giggling madly, which probably didn't help matters with her paperwork.

Laverne accepted the chart from him with a raised eyebrow, running an eye over the paperwork, then giving the slightly out-of-breath doctor a glare. “You know you’re supposed to use ‘Jane Doe’, not made up names.”

He gave her what he hoped was a calming smile. “But her name _is_ Eve! Anyway, she’s on Lucifer’s tab.”

“Hmm. Even _having_ a tab is irregular." Laverne was amused with Lucifer at first, until the plaque just seemed to her like a joke gone too far. "You realize I can’t go by the surgery gallery anymore.”

“You did eat the cake though,” he pointed out helpfully. "It was a good cake."

She still looked unhappy. “Well. It would be a _sin_ to turn down free cake.”

Eve looked up at the imposing woman. “What’s wrong with .. the.. gallery?”

“the Devil got it renamed for him.”

“Oh yeah? Oh, can I see it?”

JD grinned, "sure, we can get a few more laps on that way before you go."

Laverne grumped, “haven’t you ever been in a hospital before?”

“Nope! This is my first time! It’s all so shiny and pretty. I like it.”

“Q-Tip, are you _sure_ you don’t have one of the psychiatric patients there?”

He shook his head, “No, she just goes by Eve. Kinda like Bono. Anyway, it’s just a plaque outside the room, it's not like he went around branding '666' on the doors with a hot iron. _That_ day was when I joined the Pudding Club.”

Laverne's already suspicious look turned sour. “The what now?”

“Oooooh, wait a second. You're not in on the Code? Sorry Laverne. Forget I said anything."

"Some days, I really wish I could."

Eve looked between them. "What do you mean?"

JD whispered loudly, conspiratorially, "Laverne doesn't _believe_ that Lucifer is actually the Devil."

She gasped, "why not? Lucifer should come here and just show everyone!"

"That would solve all our problems, wouldn't it?"

Laverne huffed. "That man is pretty but he over sells it way too hard. At least he sends us sweets every month. Last week we got a bunch of cookies with purple faces and horns."

"Those were yummy. And he actually is a lot nicer than I first thought."

"Well, it's not like we aren't already up to our elbows in crazy." She huffed again over Eve's chart. "Honey, you're scheduled to come back in two weeks for a follow up. You're all set to get out of here. It was nice to meet you, _Eve."_

"You too!" She smiled and tucked her feet securely under her wheelchair. "Okay, go!"

JD switched to up to train noises.

* * *

 

JD helped Eve off her crutches and into a chair at their table in the bar. "Now, no mixing pain pills and appletinis. You can have one or the other, but not both. And tonight, I _highly_ recommend the appletinis." He left and came back from the bar with two of them, setting one in front of her.

She smiled and took a long sip, leaving a lipstick print on the edge. She grinned. "You're right, they are good here!"

Turk turned up with Dr. Cox, who did not want to miss meeting Eve. Or at the very least, did not want to miss JD potentially making an idiot of himself.

Dan appeared for a few minutes, leaning over a free seat. "Hey Eve, Dr. Linda had to beg off driving you back, so I'm here to take you back home when you're ready. For some reason, Lucifer doesn't trust Uber anymore."

Trixie waved shyly from behind her dad.

Turk pounced her for a hug, which she returned with a happy squeal.

Eve pouted. "Lucifer couldn't come get me?"

Very patiently, Dan replied, "sorry, he and Chlo' are on a stakeout. You guys look like you're busy, so how about I go bother my cousin and one of you text me or her when you're done?"

Eve pointed, "I have crutches!"

"I see that. No DDR for you for a few weeks."

Cox got his attention, taking advantage of the fact Turk was holding Trixie up for an Eagle spin away from the table. "Hey, I _have_ to ask-"

Dan leaned in with a sigh. "Yes."

"Yes…?"

"Just. Yes. Me, Chloe _and_ Lucifer. It's awesome. We have an oversized bed. It's exactly the right size for _three_ of us." He threw Eve a slightly less patient look with the last sentence.

JD processed it over his first, and likely only, appletini of the evening. Cox looked thoughtful. "I'm absolutely sure Jordan and I couldn't do it without rampant jealousy thickly coating every available surface like pollen in the spring."

"You guys are open though, right? Everyone is different. The three of us work but I wouldn't be comfortable with your arrangement. Why would you be jealous with a third but not in an open?"

"Well, for one thing, I never see whoever Jordan is banging. And she comes back to me. We don't have a lot of rules for it, but she can't bring anyone to our place, and I never want names. _Never._ Honestly it's probably a very unhealthy power thing," he chuckled, "but so far - well, I won't jinx it by saying 'it works.'" He shrugged. "But we haven't murdered each other yet."

Eve cradled her appletini in her hands. "I need to get laid."

JD bit his tongue.

Cox stood up. "And I need a glass of scotch."

Dan straightened up over the back of the chair. "Have fun. I'm gonna grab Trix and find Carla. Eve, if for some reason you get a ride from someone else, have someone text me, okay? I'll check back in a bit. Have fun."

She nodded, looking a smidge confused. "Thanks, Douche!"

Dan rolled his eyes and kept going.

Turk passed Trixie back to Dan, who flew her out of the bar over his head.

Turk gave her a look. "Douche?"

"Lucifer calls him that. It's a term of endearment."

"Do yourself a favor and don't call anyone else that, okay? It's not everyone's, uhm, term."

JD watched her sip her drink. He decided he could watch her drink appletinis all night. "You don't have a phone?"

"Well. I _did_. But I dropped it. And I'm not allowed to have another one until I learn not to drop them. They're too fragile!"

"How about driving?"

She laughed, only a little bitter, "Lucifer won't teach me. I don't have an ID. Or a car. I kinda want a bike though, they look fun to drive. Mazikeen drives me around sometimes."

"Mazikeen?"

"She's Lucifer's demon. She's _really_ pretty. But also scary."

"You mean Maze? Yeah, I met her. She's not at all intimidating," he said, unconvincingly. He looked over his shoulder like she might pop up and stab him. "Hey, it's not a bike, but I could teach you how to drive my scooter."

"Oh my God, you would? That would be so amazing!"

"Have you ever tried to drive?"

"I can ride horses, but tigers don't have saddles."

"They don't do they? Well, Sasha is a close second. I think you'll enjoy it." JD sipped his drink, "but we better wait until you're better, so I guess you're stuck with me for a while."

Eve took a big sip. "Are you saying I have to stay with you?"

Turk had just come back with a beer and gave JD a Very Judgy Look. "What now?"

"No. No-" he coughed a nervous laugh, looking over at his best friend, "You guys are so. Uhm. Literal. No, I mean, I would like it if you came and hung out with me and have more appletinis while you get better. And if you don't want to, that's fine too."

Turk's glare eased up.

Eve squinted. " _You guys_?"

Cox returned, half his glass already empty. "Yeah, what do you mean by _you guys,_ Ruth?"

JD threw his hands up defensively. "The Pudding Club people. Amenadiel isn't that bad, but Lucifer can be awful. It's like they don't get sarcasm."

Cox kept poking the bear. "Well, the bible is supposedly the literal word of God, isn't it?"

Eve drained her drink. "The what?"

Everyone looked at her. Turk said, "your story is kinda the first thing in it, you know."

"Oh, that's right. They get so many things wrong though, like the fruit. I tried to read it when I got back down here, but I gave up around Moses."

JD nodded enthusiastically, "the banana you were talking about!"

Dr. Cox scoffed, "bananas aren't even 200 years old."

Eve groaned. "Metaphorically, silly! I'm not even talking _about_ fruit."

He began a rather large sip of scotch, taking the bait, "well, what are you talking about?"

She grinned, getting up for another appletini, "Lucifer's banana!"

She just barely got out of the way of the spray of scotch.

* * *

 

Some hours and a number of poor juke box choices later, Cox went home, Turk caught up with Carla and went home too and Elliot, Eve and JD were leaning on each other a little, over appletinis.

Eve had her chin resting in her hand. "I just want to be appreciated you know?"

Elliot laughed, "please. This may be the 21st century but women are still behind."

"I mean _me._ I can't do _anything_ to get Lucifer to spend any real time with me "

"Well, he runs the club, has a day job and he's basically a step-Devil so he probably has a pretty full life already. I mean, if I were the Devil, it'd be sex and drugs 24/7."

"That's what he _used_ to do. If I'd come down five years earlier, I would have had all kinds of sex with him."

"So, why didn't you?"

"Lucifer _retired_ over six years ago. I knew he visited earth a few times, but it wasn't exactly predictable when or for long. Plus there weren't a whole lot of people who died who knew him. Delilah was probably the first one who really knew him, and by then he met Chloe, _apparently,_ and right after that he started getting less fun. Slowly, but still."

"You know. You can still enjoy life without going balls to the wall. Most people do."

JD pointed at her, "actually I enjoy my time off a lot more after a hard work week. Even if it's just an appletini out with friends. Do you have a job yet, Eve?"

"It's harder than I thought. I don't have a 'Social Security Card', or really _anything,_ and everyone looks at me weird when I tell them my name and it's just Eve. Luce has been helping me out, but even money is more complicated now than it was in the early days." She had lowered her lashes, then suddenly glanced up at her. "Could I be a doctor?"

Elliot and JD looked at each other. She answered, "...probably not. It takes years of training and education. Are you good with kids? You could probably get licensed to work at a day-care, after we figure out the identification thing. You'll probably have to take some classes no matter what you want to do."

She sighed heavily. "Lucifer has been a ton of help, but I just need to figure out my life now. Ugh. I feel like I owe him and everyone else, even if they say not to worry about it. I'm living with Maze and Linda and Amenadiel but I feel like I'm under everyone's feet all the time, and Linda is having a baby, and-."

"Hey, no one does this alone. My parents paid for my schooling and even my apartment for a few years. JD and Turk got scholarships, and everyone at the hospital except Kelso and Cox are still making payments on a school loan, probably."

Eve grimaced. "I don't have parents. Like, at all. I was literally made to be a certain person, to fill a role. It was a ton of pressure. No childhood either. I just woke up in the Garden, naked and probably, like, eighteen? I was having a kid in under a _year._ At least the first ones were easy, before we got kicked out."

Both doctors stared at her, horrified. Elliot reached across the table and took Eve's hand. "Thank you. You did do something really important. We'll both help you figure things out, okay? JD is pretty good at life lessons, even if he's still practically a kid himself. I bet Carla would hire you to babysit once her baby is here. It wouldn't be much, but it'll help you feel independent."

JD asked, "what do you want to do?"

"Ugh." Eve finished her third appletini, glaring at her glass. "I wanna be in a better mood!" She huffed and looked up at Elliot, across from her, "you know, you have really pretty eyes."

"Aw, thanks. You do too."

"You know what would cheer me up? A threesome."

Elliot almost passed out choking on her drink. She grabbed the water Turk left behind and sipped it until she could breathe again. "No. Dammit, I am _not_ a lesbian. I can barely look at my own bajingo!"

JD was happily off daydreaming about the suggestion. He shook his head. "Aw. Don't you want Eve to be happy?" He put on puppy eyes. Eve leaned against his shoulder and looked hopeful at her.

"Ugh. No. You guys go make each other happy. I'm going to head home too. Just remember she's basically your great-grandmother." She got up, shoved the chair under the table and left, grumbling.

"Cousin! 900 times removed!"

Eve moved away, sitting up again. "Have you guys been friends a long time?"

"Sometimes friends with benefits. It's usually a disaster when we have dated. Elliot is one of my best friends. We clicked from day one of working together."

"I didn't mean to scare her off. She really is pretty. She reminds me a little of Chloe, at least in looks. They're both super smart too. I can _totally_ understand what Lucifer sees in Chloe." She trailed off wistfully.

"It's okay. Elliot and I both have problems when it comes to dating. Half the time it's like we should be perfect for each other and the rest of the time we want to kill each other when we're together. " He knew the far-away look on her very well. "You have it pretty bad for Lucifer huh?

"I came back to earth _for him._  Well, that and I wanted to have some fun." She rubbed her eyes. "I just wish he still wanted me. I don't understand why he doesn't."

"Well...you can be friends with him right?"

"Yeah, and I am. We are. I just...wanted another taste of...the banana."

"Sounds like bananas are off the menu."

"You and Elliot, you want to be more than friends again?"

"I mean. I thought I did. We just seem like magnets facing the wrong way. I love her. I just don't know if we ever can be right for each other. But, I mean you _can_ love someone but not be with them. I love Turk and Carla too. I guess we both loved and lost."

Eve giggled. "You're making me sad. You're my doctor and it's your job to fix me, right?" She poked him in the shoulder, harder than she meant to.

He caught her fingers. "You betcha. First of all, we should probably go walk off the appletinis. Wait, you can't walk. Uhm. Those crutches are probably not going to work right now. Have you ever had a piggyback ride?"

She looked at his fingers gently holding hers, then met his eyes. "No, I haven't. Is it fun?"

He grinned invitingly, "it's the best! C'mon."

With minimal effort, she had her legs wrapped over his hips and clung to his shoulders. Some of her long hair fell over his shoulder and he didn't mind all that much. She wiggled, adjusting her seat. "I like this already."

"Me too." JD held her legs in either hand and she grabbed her crutches to carry. Her dress hung behind them like barding on a horse.

She laughed as he bounced her on the way back, crying, "faster, my loyal steed!" And holding a crutch high in the air like a lance.

"Yes, m'lady!" JD tossed his head, whinnying and took off in a loping run, crouched over. Eve laughed again, hanging on tight.

They were so focused on not tripping and/or falling off, they passed Dan and Trixie without even seeing them. They were on their way back to the bar to check in before heading home too. Dan stopped and tried not to burst into laughter while Trixie managed to grab a quick photo with her phone.

JD came to a controlled, stuttering halt in front of Sacred Heart, where Sasha was parked, panting lightly. "Well, this is me. Do you want that ride or should I text Dan?"

Eve let herself down but kept her arms wrapped around his shoulders. "I want a ride with you if that's okay."

He held her around the waist lightly, grinning, "soooooo, where am I dropping you off?"

She pressed closer, leaning up slowly. "I was thinking your place."

"That's not the appletinis talking is it?"

She kissed him softly. "No. It's just me."

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to pass the bechdel test, I really did, but Eve is way too obsessed with Lucifer for that to happen this fic.
> 
> Thanks for enjoying my brain! Love you guys!


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